Fight or Flight

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

I think things are harder the second time around especially if a significant amount of time has transpired since the last time that thing was done. A couple of months ago I got this wild hair and decided it would be fun to start trying out for musicals again. It's like riding a bike right?... WRONG!

Fun is not exactly the word I would use to describe the utter and complete terror I experienced standing before my fellow competitors and several judges as I auditioned for a musical this past week. Fun is not the word I would use to describe spending thousands of dollars on a college degree that turns out to be completely worthless without experience and having it and the economy point, snicker and down right yuck it up with each new job application submittal. Fun is not the word I would use to describe when my grown-up job doesn't go exactly as plan and I can't seem to cash my biweekly paychecks. Fun is not the word I would use to describe staring the future in the face and seeing is furrow up its brow, squint it's nasty yellow eyes and through back it's head in a blood curling laugh. And In my short adult life I feel like I have had an unprecedentedly high number of occurrence were these exact feelings have been conjured up.

At this point I would like to describe my complete and utter dislike for any scenario that might fit into these particular "fight or flight" situations. I say "fight or flight" because basically I'm either going to push threw stand firm and be a grown-up or I'm going to sit down on the ground and cry until all my problems are absolved. For example I was at the call back for this recent musical audition I told you about and as I sat there clammy, jittery and about to pee my pants watching the rest of the auditioners cycle through the room singing various musical numbers from the show. I thought to myself if they call my name... right now... I am going to DIE. Literally just drop over and DIE. Sometimes I just really really don't want to be a grown up anymore. Sometimes I just want to be a teenager again when the only drama in my life revolved around my pimples and who though I was cute. Unfortunately those insecurities don't seem to have gone away. I still wonder if I'm cute and I still have pimples. On second thought I think I might be seriously getting a raw deal here.

AH, This is rich my phone just rang.

Guess who it was?... A potential employer... Guess what she told me?... I DIDN'T GET THE JOB! Guess were the job was?... AT THE MALL... THAT'S RIGHT THIS COLLEGE GRADUATE CAN'T EVEN GET A JOB AT THE MALL! ain't life sweet! It's at times like these that I just wanna smack life right in the face. And then seriously ask it if it's just kidding. I know I know.. this accomplishes NOTHING But it sure would feel good.

A couple of weeks ago my Mom basically told me my inner time clock was running out. And I shouldn't wait to long to have children (I'm 23). Then she told me I should stop trying to find a job I liked and just get a practical job like working at McDonald. Picture this with me for just a minute...
Tigan waddles to the counter big belly plopped over the edge. " Do you want fries with that?


I seriously, can not picture myself walking up to the McDonald's counter and asking for an application. Maybe that makes me prideful? OK so I'M PRIDEFUL. I'll wear that badge. Maybe not proudly but if it's pride or McDonalds I'm taking one for the team.

*(This in no way reflects upon those that do work at McDonalds, good for you! While it may not be glamorous you're still getting paid and I'm still not. You are a much better women or man then I.)

I know I've ranted and raved long enough. I guess the moral of this story is... in life you have two choices you either run outta the room screaming. Or when they call your name and the room goes silent and the on lookers begin to whisper and the judges sit there quietly wait. You stand up, put on a brave face, smile and belt it out like crazy.



* By the way Mom you know I love ya!

You Might Also Like


  1. First of all... I think you should blog for a living, because you're a really great writer. Second of all, I needed to read this to help me appreciate the job I do have. 3form seem glamorous, but if I seriously have to do any more data analysis I might die! Thirdly, I've been watching a lot of Glee lately and wish so badly I could sing!!! Good for you for trying out for a musical! Even if you don't make, just know there are people out there (me) who would love to be able to be good enough to even try out!

  2. Ha! That's funny! Seth bought our tickets a month ago too! haha it's sad how excited I am for this!

  3. I loved this post...absolutely hilarious! I too have a college degree and it took me forever to find a job, even a job that wasn't in my major, and now I work as a first grade aide which a high school graduate could get a job as. Life doesn't always turn out how you plan does it? At least you have a great attitude! Good luck with are the best!

  4. Tigan Tigan... It is hard right now, but I find it impossible for you not to be in the perfect job at some point. You are too talented. Once our economy picks up people will be begging you to come work for them. For now, move to SL and come play with me and Ben!!!

  5. that was an amazing vent, and maybe you don't want responses after that necessarily, but I will respond anyway :) I too long to be a teenager again at times, i was also thinking rather then considering mcdonalds...i really think you should consider working graveyard shifts at 7-11...i mean suck it up Tigan and quit being so 'prideful' :) - rather then prideful i think in the situation i see it more for yourself and the situation as a both/and scenario. You yourself are both beautiful and horrendous, as is the creation (meaning not just earth, but like culture, jobs, grocery shopping, sibling and parent relationships, popping zits) around you because it and you are cursed because both are inherently alienated from it's maker because of sin (our zeal to be god ourselves), yet beautiful in that just as zealous as we are to be god and coordinate sovereignly as he does, in turn God is zealous to redeem all things to where he is in control as God, who loves shalom and also loves to heal yahoos like us. So anyway you are both beautiful and horrendous, as is the world around you, now can you live in the tension and wait on God and seek him in your suffering through loving your spouse and your neighbors? or live in fear? that is the choice we both have to make. what do you think Mrs. Robinson? love jon u


Evolve Fitness

Tigan Ink Creative